Bernadette R.I.P.

Bright Eyes

Is it a kind of dream,
Floating out on the tide,
Following the river of death downstream?
Oh, is it a dream?

There's a fog along the horizon,
A strange glow in the sky,
And nobody seems to know where you go,
And what does it mean?
Oh, is it a dream?

Bright eyes,
Burning like fire.
Bright eyes,
How can you close and fail?
How can the light that burned so brightly
Suddenly burn so pale?
Bright eyes.

Is it a kind of shadow,
Reaching into the night,
Wandering over the hills unseen,
Or is it a dream?

There's a high wind in the trees,
A cold sound in the air,
And nobody ever knows when you go,
And where do you start,
Oh, into the dark.

Bright eyes,
burning like fire.
Bright eyes,
how can you close and fail?
How can the light that burned so brightly
Suddenly burn so pale?
Bright eyes.

Bright eyes,
burning like fire.
Bright eyes,
how can you close and fail?
How can the light that burned so brightly
Suddenly burn so pale?
Bright eyes. -Simon and Garfunkel


Bernadette died from what I understand were complications from chemotherapy.   She lost the gamble that chemotherapy can prolong one's life, in her case it may have shortened it. She lived 4 months from her diagnosis. 

Another friend and I were going to stop by her house a few days before she died. We called first, I realize from the sound of her husband's voice that it was very bad. She was still in the hospital which was not so unusual, he said there was no point visiting her there although we could.  It was the first time I heard total despair in his voice.  I hoped he was wrong, it seemed inconceivable.

Even though its been several weeks now, its so hard to take in that I will never see her again, hear her voice, feel her irrepressible energy or see the sparkle in her eyes.  She always seemed so unstoppable, a force of nature. She always encourage and inspired me to go after dreams, and reminded me to approach life as if anything was possible when I would forget.
I don't think it was possible to know her and not think of her with a smile. 

I started to write this post a few days ago, but I started crying when I was trying describe the person she, couldn't stop for quite a while.  I am far from the only one who feels this way, she was one of the most loved people, I have ever met. Last week, I was volunteering at the food coop and another friend of hers came in, it was all we could do not to just break down.

September was a very bad month, I try to look at the various things and think in 10yrs time they won't matter, but this will.

I'm crying again...