As promised

to my friend Cynthia, and dedicated with much love to all the troublesome men in our lives:

I Hate Men from Kiss Me Kate by Cole Porter

I hate men.
I can't abide 'em even now and then.
Than ever marry one of them, I'd rest a maiden rather,
For husbands are a boring lot and only give you bother.
Of course, I'm awfully glad that Mother had to marry Father,
But I hate men.
Of all the types I've ever met within our democracy,
I hate most the athlete with his manner bold and brassy,
He may have hair upon his chest but, sister, so has Lassie.
Oh, I hate men!
I hate men.
They should be kept like piggies in a pen.
Avoid the trav'ling salesman though a tempting
Tom he may be,
For on your wedding night he may be off to far Araby,
While he's away in Mandalay is thee who have the baby,
Oh I hate men.
If thou shouldst wed a businessman, be wary, oh, be wary.
He'll tell you he's detained in town on business necessary,
His bus'ness is the bus'ness with his pretty secretary,
Oh I hate men!
I hate men
Though roosters they, I will not play the hen.
If you espouse and older man through girlish optimism,
He'll always stay at home at night and make no criticism,
Though you may call it love, the doctors call it rheumatism.
Oh, I hate men.
From all I've read, alone in bed, from A to Zed, about 'em.
Since love is blind, then from the mind, all womankind should rout 'em,
But, ladies, you must answer too, what would we do without 'em?
Still, I hate men!

Interesting places

Spoons Story illustrates what it's like to spend a day with a chronic illness. [via Etoile, via tikva]:

http://www.butyoudontlooksick.com/spoons.htm



Where the word dork really came from:

http://www.lileks.com/institute/dorcus/index.html

Its pretty funny.

Nerd, Geek, Dork

Pure Nerd 65 % Nerd, 34% Geek, 8% Dork

For The Record: A Nerd is someone who is passionate about learning/being smart/academia. A Geek is someone who is passionate about some particular area or subject, often an obscure or difficult one. A Dork is someone who has difficulty with common social expectations/interactions. You scored better than half in all Nerd, earning you the title of: Pure Nerd. The times, they are a-changing. It used to be that being exceptionally smart led to being unpopular, which would ultimately lead to picking up all of the traits and tendences associated with the "dork." No-longer. Being smart isn't as socially crippling as it once was, and even more so as you get older: eventually being a Pure Nerd will likely be replaced with the following label: Purely Successful. Congratulations!

My test tracked 3 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 57% on nerdiness You scored higher than 50% on geekosity You scored higher than 7% on dork points

Link: The Nerd? Geek? or Dork? Test written by donathos on Ok Cupid

Need to travel more

create your personalized map of europe
or check out our Barcelona travel guide

Provinces

create your own personalized map of Canada

States visited

create your own personalized map of the USA
or check out ourCalifornia travel guide

Laurie made this comment,

Wow! You've been all over the place. I've only been to 11 states and, with the exception of Colorado and Nevada, they're all south of the Mason-Dixon line. Pretty pitiful.

made it!

Well I made it through the month of July! Its been a long one, lots of changes.
Another friend is MIA, or at least someone I thought was a friend, so what else is new? makes me very sad though. It was a hard month for many reasons, the hardest being memories of the previous July and the July before that.

Saw a lot of old friends, 4 out of town ones, did some trips, helped with house sales, it was hot and humid, altered a skirt for a 3 yr old to go to a wedding in, she was amazingly patient for the fittings, taking a bagging tutorial, inadvertently joined an exclusive bespoke tailoring lounge online, I am now one of 300 men it seems.

Made it!

Well I made it through the month of July! Its been a long one, lots of changes.
Another friend is MIA, or at least someone I thought was a friend, so what else is new? makes me very sad though. It was a hard month for many reasons, the hardest being memories of the previous July and the July before that.

Saw a lot of old friends, 4 out of town ones, did some trips, helped with house sales, it was hot and humid, altered a skirt for a 3 yr old to go to a wedding in, she was amazingly patient for the fittings, taking a bagging tutorial, inadventently joined an exclusive bespoke tailoring lounge online, I am now one of 300 men it seems.

quiz 2-nerd or geek- thanks C. Lee

Take the quiz at dicepool.com

silly test with pretty strange pictures from C. Lee

Thunder ~ 48% Water ~ 77% Wind ~ 59% Earth ~ 70% Fire ~

Change the street change the decade Still the longing's left inside... Your colours are the light blue of the sky and its exact opposite, the fiery crimson. You are likely energetic, ambitious, inquisitive and honest. However, you may sometimes appear insensitive or restless. You could try wearing a Jasper that inspires compassion and tranquillity, or a Peridot that relives irritation and inspires comfort and thus bring you a bit closer to harmony. In detail: Your Ground Chakra, which is associated with the element of fire and represents our basic desires and driving force, and your Throat Chakra, which is associated with the element of wind and represents our desire to learn and communicate, are predominant. Your Creative Chakra, which is associated with the element of earth and represents our need to preserve and grow, and your Heart Chakra, which is associated with the element of water and represents our sense of love and compassion are not quite as prominent. These are the results you will get if you score highly on... None of the four elements: Balance Wind: Gust Fire: Blaze Water: River Earth: Valley Wind & Fire: Thunder Wind & Water: Clouds Wind & Earth: Canyon Fire & Earth: Lava Fire & Water: Tornado Water & Earth: Trees Wind, Fire & Earth: Storm Wind, Fire & Water: Stars Wind, Water & Earth: Forest Fire, Water & Earth: Avalanche All four elements: Harmony

My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 28% on water You scored higher than 52% on wind You scored higher than 42% on earth You scored higher than 57% on fire

Link: The Elemental Balance Test written by Nitsuki on OkCupid Free Online Dating

Ever wonder what happens when you send chocolates in the summer?

Today, at work, I found a large package sitting on my chair from Lindt USA. Fragile and next day air stamped on it. Oh Chocolates!!!!!!
I opened the box, and found an ice chest inside with still cold ice packs! Bubble wrap with a 85% cocoa dark chocolate bar inside, and the huge Ultimate bag of truffles.
Absolutely perfect, even though it had sat overnight in a UPS truck oven.
So now I have an incredible strong, like expresso, chocolate bar, tons of truffles, and a new cute little ice chest for the car.
It seemed a bit strange to me, not what I expected, exceedingly generous, but very nice just the same.

Astrid made this comment,

So how much of your chocolate bar and truffles is left today? Don't tell me your dog ate it all!!!

Susan made this comment,

Well no truffles are left and about 86% of the chocoale bar is still in my refrigerator. In my defense, there were 5 flavors of truffles and I gave away the white chocolate and peanut butter flavors to friends, so I only ate 3/5 of the bag. I ate the last 2 truffles yesterday. No dog to eat it, besides isn't chocolate poisonous to dogs?

traceofbliss made this comment,

Mmmm... you just gave me the HUGES chocolate craving I've ever had. And I LOVE dark chocolate truffles. Mmm..... Thanks... I must run off to hunt me down some brown, delicious candy like morsels.

Susan made this comment,

I don't want to ruin anyone's life, but I found this cool new dipping chocolate. Its called Baker's Dipping Chocolate and it comes in dark and milk. http://www.kraftfoods.com/bakerschocolate/ba kers_dipping_choc.html All you do is microwave it until it melts, whisk it until the chocolate is smooth and glossy, and start dipping. Yesterday I dipped a few strawberries and a banana, its is great. It keeps for 2 weeks in your frig. Some tips-refrigerate the the dipped items until they look kind of matte, that is what they look like when the chocolate is hardened, also put the dipped items on parchment paper, its easier to remove them. This stuff is amazing, much easier than the standard method.

Good Film, Bad film, thoughts on art and film

Every so often my brother gets 99 cent coupons for films at Hollywood Video which he gives to me. You can rent three movies at 99 cents each, so I go and pick out three that catch my fancy at the moment. I don't bother reading reviews, I just grab what might be interesting. Usually I end of up with decent if not good films, this time I was not so lucky on one of them. I haven't watch the third one yet.

"Last Life in the Universe" a strange Thai film, maybe the first Thai film I have seen, as opposed to films shot in Thailand, there are tons of those. It was quite intriguing, a mystery of sorts. I imagine it might be harder for a viewer totally unaware of Thai and/or Japanese culture, but maybe not. I quite liked it, parts are dreamy, it is not a simple film. The sets, the costumes, the scenery are great. The main actor and actresses are amazing. I strongly encourage seeing it. its in Thai, Japanese and English, with English subtitles. I saw it once through and then the 2nd time with the cinematographers commentary.

"the Kiss" was dull, I was not drawn into the story, not the current one or the story within the story, the scenes were okay, the sex was dull, I liked the dog best of all the characters. Some stuff was just stupid, one of the characters has the same short hair style in her 20's as in her 30's, and both times its silver? Not worth my time, not worth my $1.05.

I have seen a lot of films over the years. While in college, I interned for Redstone Theaters/Showcase Cinemas and got comps at all the local theaters, I also had friends who worked in various art house theaters, still do. For many years I saw almost a film a night. I am like that with classical music too, when I could get free or very inexpensive seats ($1-2) to the orchestra, I would go every night. I guess when possible I prefer a high level of artistic input in my life. I like to have live music in the background when I am writing or sketching out ideas. I go through periods of practically living at the local art museum as well, its easy to write or create there. I don't really care what critics think, I know what I like. Some critics I agree with, some I don't, but I still prefer to make up my own mind.

Nowadays, I frequently get invited to opinion maker preview screenings of independent films, I go when I can. Those are usually fun because the director is often there and you can ask questions. I saw the Chorus that way (you MUST see that). I also like them because they are free, and are about the only time I see a film in the theater at night. I have only walked out of one, "High Art" because I was bored, drugged slow lesbian sex just doesn't do anything for me, and the film felt slower than "Round Midnight" that was at least a decent film with good music.

Get sorted

be sorted @ nimbo.net


Congratulations on making Gryffindor!

Basically, you're brave, daring, chivalrous, and pretty much.. an all around good person. Of course, some see you as a goodie-two-shoes. But hey, it's true! You're really good at winning, and normally always come out as the hero. Everybody likes you.. except, maybe, the Slytherins. You're too perfect. No, really.. You're too perfect. It's annoying to watch you win, repeatedly. Oh well. Be proud anyway.

from Laurie

Sir Brian made this comment, Heh heh... does this mean i'm not supposed to like you? check out my Info page on LJ ;-) http://anguisetteowner.livejournal.com/
		Laurie made this comment, Didn't you think that was cool?! I've only read one of the books though. As soon as I finish the Vonnegut and Kerouac I'm reading, I think I'll read another.

The Great Race, http://www.greatrace.com has begun. My friend Laura is doing her third race!!! This year she is doing support, previously she has raced as a navigator and also done support for the same team.

I am going to meet her on route next week!!!! I am so excited!

Anyone on the route, please stop by and say hi! Go see all the cool cars and great racers.

her team's site is:
http://www.landroverparts.us
a daily update link can be found there

the schedule can be found here:
http://www.landroverparts.us/greatraceSchedule.html

Her team's car is #45, the only Landrover on the race

Got a new toy today

I went off to Office Depot questing for some transfer paper I heard was on clearance, it may have been earlier but it was all gone when I got there. What was there was a Motorola Bluetooth Portable Wireless Speaker for $30 which seemed reasonable so I got it!

I charged it up and tried it out, it sounds better than my phone's speaker phone and has a volume control and voice dial. Unfortunately, everyone I have on voice dial is asleep except one lucky person who is at a concert, so I called and heard a Pink Floyd song, and it sound fairly good.

It came with a neat little carry case to attach to the visor of your car. 3 hrs talk time, 100 hrs standby. Not bad.

Laurie made this comment, I was there. I was there!!! I was wondering why he just kept holding the phone and not saying anything. That's so funny! The festival was great. I'm sure Wang Chi will post reviews tomorrow. I hope he let you hear more than one song! comment added :: {ts '2005-06-26 00:39:58'} GMT-06
	Brian made this comment, Sounds cool! It was good to talk to you again. We will have to do so more often. comment added :: {ts '2005-06-26 12:21:19'} GMT-06 ::

Yikes my tongue is blue!

Why is my tongue blue? Well the day started out strange, strange emails, not pretty storywriting, an assortment of offline ims I wasn't expecting. I went to work, it was dead, worked on sales tax and a red and black bra during my breaks. I don't normal wear black but it is the only color of powernet I have that seems to go with the red I wanted so once I decided on that, I thought might as well accent it with black picot edge elastic. After I closed the store, I worked on it for another hour or so, got everything done but the back clasp and the straps done. Don't know if it will fit but hey it looks interesting.
Maybe I can be like those people who fill their library full of never read leather bound books, except I can fill my lingerie drawer with funky lingerie...

Anyway (or anyways-for Laurie) back to the blue tongue, so I decide to stop on the bra, I am kind of sick and getting rather feverish, so I decide to find myself a place to swim as it was about 85 out. I kind of remember that there are two lakes north of the store with beaches, though one is closed. I look at a map, yes that does occasionally happen! I only have a state map, but it does show the general vicinity of two lakes beginning with the letter J, Johanna and Josephine, so I decide they might be ideal places to swim. The fact that I do not have a swimsuit with me I decide is immaterial, ones doesn't need a swimsuit to swim. I am wearing a long sleeve shirt and light loose trousers that are tight at the ankles, and my current hat of favor, no problem I have swum in worse or less or something. I have even swum in this particular hat.

So I drive north until I find Lake Johanna, the one that is closed. There is a sign clearing saying closed and part of the road is blocked off, the rest of the road is full of parked cars, including a couple police cars. The park is full of people, having picnics and bar-b-ques. So I join the illegal parkers and head down to the beach, take my sandals off and start into the water, at which point a very nice policeman tells me I can't swim because the park is supposed to be closed. A few people come over to listen to him explain that the park really is closed despite the number of people in it, he points out that they all know this too because none of them is the water! I concede it his point and am starting to leave when the listening people invite me to their bar-b-que, since I can't swim ;-)

Now my blue tongue and I are dancing along with a Bollywood music video on PBS, great fun, a mixture of dance styles!!!

I wrote this a while ago and meant to post it, can't remember why my tongue was blue now :(

Baran (Rain)

I just watched the movie, Baran (Rain). A surprisingly interesting Iranian film about love and change. Most of it is set in a dipladated construction site where it seems none of the workers ever get paid, but food and tea is provided. Not your standard love story at all. It has a nice water theme as well.

Dark Chick flick?

Saw "the Seagull's Laughter" the other night, it was fun. A dark Icelandic comedy of sorts, the main characters are all women so by some guy's definition it is a chick flick. However, this is not a tear jerker but an empowering film where "women are asserting their independence and men are keeling over." It not rated in Icelandic with English subtitles. I recommend it. The portrayal of life in a remote Icelandic village in the 50's is also interesting.

Astrid made this comment,

I was in Iceland once, not in the fifties though, but loved it with all my heart. Hey, and if you thought Chicago was windy, go to Iceland, and think again!!!

comment added :: {ts '2005-07-17 06:59:35'} GMT-06 ::

Just finished watching a the movie "The Young Visitors or Mr. Salteena's plan" a somewhat surreal movie based on a story written by a 9 yrs old girl in 1890 in 12 days. It is almost satire about love, relationships, materialism, strange insight for a young girl to write. When I switched the dvd off and back to TV on PBS there appeared to be the former Cat Stevens singing Sad Lisa, a song I can easily relate to having been on both sides of it:

"She hangs her head and cries in my shirt
She must be hurt very badly
Tell me what's making you sadly
Open your door, don't hide in the dark
You're lost in the dark, you can trust me
'Cause you know that's how it must be

Lisa, Lisa Sad Lisa, Lisa

Her eyes like windows tricklin' rain
Upon her pain getting deeper
Tho' my love wants to relieve her
She walks alone from wall to wall
Tho' I know she likes to be near me

Lisa, Lisa Sad Lisa, Lisa

She sits in a corner by the door
There must be more I can tell her
If she really wants me to help her
I'll do what I can to show her the way
And maybe someday I will free her
Tho' I know no one can see her"
Sad Lisa-Cat Stevens


I think of a lost friend, who helped take me from the darkness, regain my silliness, optimism, dreams, just be me again. I could just be me, that was enough, whatever me was from moment to moment, I was so comfortable in that space we shared, I could go out and take on the world again. I could bring new people, relationships into my life, be support of my gf who is dying, be creative, deal with fire inspectors, put the past behind me and once again believe that life would get better somehow, and it did.

Then when darkness began to overtake him I did everything I could, it seemed to both of us that I was helping but somehow he got lost. I know I am part of the darkness, as well as the light, nothing I can do but wait hope and try to be the person he helped me find again.

When he left the last time in July, he said he would be back and I said I would be here. He said don't you dare waste away, just continue to be you, knowing you are you is good enough for me.
Sometimes, in the stress and worry of the lingering uncertainty, I get upset, hurt and angry. I forget who he is, who I am, how we are linked, kindred spirits, that none of this is intentional, that we are lucky.

I try to keep going forward, to have faith, to not think of the lost of time. Sometimes it is so frustrating, I want to tell him so much: I got a new car, I am traveling, making swishy skirts, designing pants with strange pockets, seeing old friends, haven't broken or ripped anything all year! Anna moved back to England. I have been only in the er once this year! I am getting to know someone I really like, am considering more conventional relationships, saw Al perform, heard (and talked with) Richard Thompson.

There are also the things that are the same- its mid June and the garden is not fully planted, I still didn't finish the curtains, I have the same job (for now...), and he is still my rock, wherever he is, however lost and wobbly he may be. I know he would be here if he could. I will try to remember that.

Dorothy made: this comment, So sad....reminds me of a female version of "Sundown, Yellow Moon...." comment added :: {ts '2005-06-17 14:44:47'} GMT-06
	Laurie made this comment, I thought I left a comment yesterday but it isn't here. I must be skipping a step. I think I said I hope everything comes out okay and I hope you're okay. If that isn't what I said, it's what I'm feeling for you today. I hope you're okay. comment added :: {ts '2005-06-17 16:40:11'} GMT-06
	Susan made this comment, Dorothy-"Sundown, Yellow Moon...." ??? I had to look that up. Well umm, we never had a falling out, and we had no idea it would be so long, I guess its more like "Fire and Rain" if you know the story behind it, but hopefully this one will end better. Laurie-Thank you, I hope everything comes out okay too, and SOON!!!! I am mainly okay, 5 out of 7 nights okay this week ;-) You had asked about July...

http://www.blogger.com/img/gl.link.gif

This morning it smelled like a candles being extinguished in my kitchen while I was unloading the dishwasher. I checked all the kitchen appliances and unplugged a few for good measure. Then I was writing the previous blog entry while being immed like mad by dbird who just got home from college for the summer and has a bit too much time on his hands ;-) anyway, I then smell something burning like wood embers. I open a window, no smoke, check the apartment hallway, nothing. Then one of the light bulbs by my computer starts flickering, its a compact fluorescent, so I shut off the lamp, lift up the shade and its burning!!!!!

Never seen that before, and I wonder if it was because I was reading Laurie's post about being a "funny shit magnet"


Laurie made this comment,
Girl! Thank God you were home!! I have two of those torchiere lamps in my living room and I read somewhere that they tend to catch fire. (Hey, they were cheap.) So, I never leave them on when I leave the house.

A friend basically asked me this tonight. All I could say is that with this particular man treats everyone he loves badly, just look at how he treats his own child. He feels because he is in an intimate relationship with her, he need not be be courteous, kind or even polite anymore. He balances kindness with abuse, intimacy with rejection, and he has done this almost since the beginning of their relationship.
She seems to believes that if he really loved her, he would magically become a different person, like a fairy tale of some sort, that love is a magic pill.

For several years I have watched, listened and comforted her as their relationship goes through the same cycles over and over again. There are things she can do to change the patterns, which she does occasionally, but she can't be consistent, it is as if she does not value herself enough to hold him accountable. In many ways she rewards his bad behavior by giving him her complete attention whenever he does something. So many times when she thinks this guy is leaving her, she calls upset that her world is ending. He'll never leave her for real, why should he? She always goes back to him, and he gets what he wants. It has been very depressing and upsetting to watch.

UPDATE-11-07-She finally broke free of him, YEAH!!!

For Laurie

Three Things...

This was passed to my by my newest blogging friend, Laurie ...

* Three screen names that you have had: Carpe Cavy, Lily, Astarte
* Three things you like about yourself: my inability to get bored, I don't give up, I am a fighting survivor
* Three things you don't like about yourself: I get so distracted, some commitment problems, can't handle suspense
* Three parts of your heritage: Anabaptists, Yiddish, DAR ;-)
* Three things that scare you: people disappearing, drunk drivers, being trapped
* Three of your everyday essentials: comfortable place to sleep, clean warm water, decent food
* Three things you are wearing right now: swishy skirt, sandals, watch
* Three of your favorite songs: Songs out of clay, awake, awake, sexual healing
* Three new things you want to try in the next twelve months: a certain Baron ;-), coaching classes, monogamy
* Three things I want in a relationship: laughter, love, passion
* Two truths and a lie: I could sell you your grandmother if I wished, I can't sleep if I am upset, I wear makeup daily
* Three things you can't do without: my family, my friends, my mac
* Three places you want to go on vacation: Lhasa, Kathmandu, New Zealand
* Three things you just can't do: ice skate, like the taste of alcohol, be a serial monogamous
* Three kids' names: Maya, Alexander, Evgenia
* Three things you want to do before you die: see all my friends, change the world, be at peace
* Three Celeb crushes: Don't really have any, but ones I think might be fun-Teller, Pedro Almodóvar, Rufus Sewell.
* Three people I nominate to complete this exercise: Wang Chi, Geoff Arnold, Pickle




Geoff made this comment,
I think I already did a version of this - see http://www.geoffarnold.com/mt-archives/000546.html
comment added :: {ts '2005-06-07 19:25:20'} GMT-06 :: http://geoffarnold.com

Laurie made this comment,
Thanks for doing this. I hope you get to go to all of those fabulous places!
comment added :: {ts '2005-06-09 16:53:50'} GMT-06

Forgiveness

Asking for forgiveness and forgiving are wonderful freeing things, probably one of the best things one person can do for another.

It helps them let go of negative feelings and move forward, replacing bad feelings with positive ones.

It gives closure to hurts that re-erupt whenever they think about the person, and heals damage that could hurt future relationships.


####


Laurie made this comment,
Very nice.

so my blog is still here

Someone said my blog was gone, or wouldn't load or something, but here it is.

New things- just got back from a couple trips. Met some interesting men that I only knew from online before. With them I did 2 dinners, one lunch. One dinner was exceptionally nice as was the dinner companion, also got 3 hugs-two very nice, one decidely iffy and that was the farewell one!!!



A visitor made this comment,
Hey! Time for you to start writing more in here chicky. I'm linking to you on my blog. People will be watching.

Laurie [landerson1@gt.rr.com]

Black death

About a month ago I started reading the book "Return of the Black Death-The World's Greatest Serial Killer." I had just gotten to the chapert "Building an identikit of the Killer" when I got very ill. I started coughing at night when I would lay down to sleep, no big deal, thought it was allergies, went to the doctor. My eyes were itching again too. Did xrays, blood work, EKG and all were fine. The dr put me on Nasonex. It seemed to help a small bit, but there was a high pollen rate so I didn't think much about it.

8 days later the coughing get worse, tried warmer showers, vaopizers, anti histamines, nothing helped much. a couple days later coughing all the time, total dry cough, talking was hard, it was cough-word-cough-cough-word-cough so I called the evil nurse line. They asked me all these questions, stuff about my broken leg, my neck, nothing that had any bearing on my cough, then we got disconneted, so I called back. New nurse wants to ask the questions again, I say no just talk about cough, after a few breathing related questions she says call your dr. Its night but I call the dr, luckily my dr is on call. He calls, doesn't even block the id but anyway (or anyways for Laurie!), he says he can see me in the morning. I don't have a fever at that point, everyone has been telling me if I get a fever go to the er. I drive out and get cough meds, 45 mins later I have a fever of 102.8 so I drive to the er.

I am so warm when I get to the ER they don't bother taking my temp, they just wrap me in cold blankets. Stick me in front of one of the oldest xray machines I have every seen, its blue. Take my blood, do a culture, stick an oxygen clip on my finger. The ER dr is an old friend of my former dr of 15 yrs. He tells me how they dream of having their daughters who are currently in med school work with them at this hospital. I am coughing too hard to tell him they are nuts.

One of my good friends breaks her middle toe around then and goes to the same ER. we see each others car but miss each other, oh well. I have pneumonia, lower lobe of left lung is non-functional. The ER dr told me he had this kind of pneumonia 6 weeks ago. I am given the choice of being admitted or going home, am told it will get worse until the antibiotics kick in. I choose home figuring I will get more sleep there. They give me a loading dose, some to take with me and some T3. They tell me to take the T3 at night to give my muscles a rest from coughing.

I go home, it gets worse, I take the T3 and it feels like I am drowning, after a bit I am still drowning but I don't care. A friend stays on the phone with me for several nights, talks me through the "drowning" to the not caring part. Every time I cough really badly he says "are you alright?" and every time I say "no, I have pneumonia." There is a strange comfort in that.