Virtual Me!

Yesterday I was reading Second Cherry and she had pictures of "her" from My Virtual Modelwhich has gotten infinitely better than it was the last time I tried it. I was able to get the model to look like my body. It helps a lot seeing how different proportions and colors look. So I played with it a bit and found a dress I kind of like, though maybe not in this color. I didn't put on shoes or accessorize it, but you can do that too!

You can even turn virtual me around. You can add your face to the model but I haven't tried that yet. Also you can see what you would look like at a different weight which I think is quite a nice thing in itself. They have a young and a mature version and even male ones.
I thought this would be great for cross dressers but unfortunately a male body can not try on female clothes. One of my friends tried that last night, and another seemed disappointed not to see him in a dress, oh well.

Barry and the glass alternative

So much of what I knew of Barry through our conversations over the years was neatly summed by Anna on a ASML post:

barry had a third alternative to the glass being either half empty or
half full:

"is anybody drinking this?"

Goodbye Bear

My friend Anna's partner, Barry, died from a stroke this past week at age 44. A friend of theirs put this slide tape thing together:

made it!

Well I made it through the month of July! Its been a long one, lots of changes.
Another friend is MIA, or at least someone I thought was a friend, so what else is new? makes me very sad though. It was a hard month for many reasons, the hardest being memories of the previous July and the July before that.

Saw a lot of old friends, 4 out of town ones, did some trips, helped with house sales, it was hot and humid, altered a skirt for a 3 yr old to go to a wedding in, she was amazingly patient for the fittings, taking a bagging tutorial, inadvertently joined an exclusive bespoke tailoring lounge online, I am now one of 300 men it seems.

Just finished watching a the movie "The Young Visitors or Mr. Salteena's plan" a somewhat surreal movie based on a story written by a 9 yrs old girl in 1890 in 12 days. It is almost satire about love, relationships, materialism, strange insight for a young girl to write. When I switched the dvd off and back to TV on PBS there appeared to be the former Cat Stevens singing Sad Lisa, a song I can easily relate to having been on both sides of it:

"She hangs her head and cries in my shirt
She must be hurt very badly
Tell me what's making you sadly
Open your door, don't hide in the dark
You're lost in the dark, you can trust me
'Cause you know that's how it must be

Lisa, Lisa Sad Lisa, Lisa

Her eyes like windows tricklin' rain
Upon her pain getting deeper
Tho' my love wants to relieve her
She walks alone from wall to wall
Tho' I know she likes to be near me

Lisa, Lisa Sad Lisa, Lisa

She sits in a corner by the door
There must be more I can tell her
If she really wants me to help her
I'll do what I can to show her the way
And maybe someday I will free her
Tho' I know no one can see her"
Sad Lisa-Cat Stevens


I think of a lost friend, who helped take me from the darkness, regain my silliness, optimism, dreams, just be me again. I could just be me, that was enough, whatever me was from moment to moment, I was so comfortable in that space we shared, I could go out and take on the world again. I could bring new people, relationships into my life, be support of my gf who is dying, be creative, deal with fire inspectors, put the past behind me and once again believe that life would get better somehow, and it did.

Then when darkness began to overtake him I did everything I could, it seemed to both of us that I was helping but somehow he got lost. I know I am part of the darkness, as well as the light, nothing I can do but wait hope and try to be the person he helped me find again.

When he left the last time in July, he said he would be back and I said I would be here. He said don't you dare waste away, just continue to be you, knowing you are you is good enough for me.
Sometimes, in the stress and worry of the lingering uncertainty, I get upset, hurt and angry. I forget who he is, who I am, how we are linked, kindred spirits, that none of this is intentional, that we are lucky.

I try to keep going forward, to have faith, to not think of the lost of time. Sometimes it is so frustrating, I want to tell him so much: I got a new car, I am traveling, making swishy skirts, designing pants with strange pockets, seeing old friends, haven't broken or ripped anything all year! Anna moved back to England. I have been only in the er once this year! I am getting to know someone I really like, am considering more conventional relationships, saw Al perform, heard (and talked with) Richard Thompson.

There are also the things that are the same- its mid June and the garden is not fully planted, I still didn't finish the curtains, I have the same job (for now...), and he is still my rock, wherever he is, however lost and wobbly he may be. I know he would be here if he could. I will try to remember that.

Dorothy made: this comment, So sad....reminds me of a female version of "Sundown, Yellow Moon...." comment added :: {ts '2005-06-17 14:44:47'} GMT-06
	Laurie made this comment, I thought I left a comment yesterday but it isn't here. I must be skipping a step. I think I said I hope everything comes out okay and I hope you're okay. If that isn't what I said, it's what I'm feeling for you today. I hope you're okay. comment added :: {ts '2005-06-17 16:40:11'} GMT-06
	Susan made this comment, Dorothy-"Sundown, Yellow Moon...." ??? I had to look that up. Well umm, we never had a falling out, and we had no idea it would be so long, I guess its more like "Fire and Rain" if you know the story behind it, but hopefully this one will end better. Laurie-Thank you, I hope everything comes out okay too, and SOON!!!! I am mainly okay, 5 out of 7 nights okay this week ;-) You had asked about July...

For Laurie

Three Things...

This was passed to my by my newest blogging friend, Laurie ...

* Three screen names that you have had: Carpe Cavy, Lily, Astarte
* Three things you like about yourself: my inability to get bored, I don't give up, I am a fighting survivor
* Three things you don't like about yourself: I get so distracted, some commitment problems, can't handle suspense
* Three parts of your heritage: Anabaptists, Yiddish, DAR ;-)
* Three things that scare you: people disappearing, drunk drivers, being trapped
* Three of your everyday essentials: comfortable place to sleep, clean warm water, decent food
* Three things you are wearing right now: swishy skirt, sandals, watch
* Three of your favorite songs: Songs out of clay, awake, awake, sexual healing
* Three new things you want to try in the next twelve months: a certain Baron ;-), coaching classes, monogamy
* Three things I want in a relationship: laughter, love, passion
* Two truths and a lie: I could sell you your grandmother if I wished, I can't sleep if I am upset, I wear makeup daily
* Three things you can't do without: my family, my friends, my mac
* Three places you want to go on vacation: Lhasa, Kathmandu, New Zealand
* Three things you just can't do: ice skate, like the taste of alcohol, be a serial monogamous
* Three kids' names: Maya, Alexander, Evgenia
* Three things you want to do before you die: see all my friends, change the world, be at peace
* Three Celeb crushes: Don't really have any, but ones I think might be fun-Teller, Pedro Almodóvar, Rufus Sewell.
* Three people I nominate to complete this exercise: Wang Chi, Geoff Arnold, Pickle




Geoff made this comment,
I think I already did a version of this - see http://www.geoffarnold.com/mt-archives/000546.html
comment added :: {ts '2005-06-07 19:25:20'} GMT-06 :: http://geoffarnold.com

Laurie made this comment,
Thanks for doing this. I hope you get to go to all of those fabulous places!
comment added :: {ts '2005-06-09 16:53:50'} GMT-06

so my blog is still here

Someone said my blog was gone, or wouldn't load or something, but here it is.

New things- just got back from a couple trips. Met some interesting men that I only knew from online before. With them I did 2 dinners, one lunch. One dinner was exceptionally nice as was the dinner companion, also got 3 hugs-two very nice, one decidely iffy and that was the farewell one!!!



A visitor made this comment,
Hey! Time for you to start writing more in here chicky. I'm linking to you on my blog. People will be watching.

Laurie [landerson1@gt.rr.com]